Everyone goes through this from time to time, I’m sure. I’m just not feeling like a bird these days. Part of it is because I’m exiled on a resort island where I’m fronting a 2-man cover act 5 days a week. The atmosphere here is touristy, beach-volleyball, 1980’s jock-flick-tastic, and here I am… a Furry geek-rocker.
To say the least, I feel out of place all the time.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun and it’s paying off a lot of credit debt, but I just don’t feel like a bird when I’m out here. All I can do is stare at the Great Egrets, Osprey, and other actual birds and sigh wistfully. Come September I’ll be out of here, and I’ll be back to my usual broke self again.
Hopefully I’ll be a bit more feathery by then.
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July 4th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
What does one become when he does not feel like himself?
Can you be someone other than who you are?
Or alternately, like the faces in the mandala, perhaps it’s just a different part of you. Still you, just another archetype.
July 4th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Oh, and remember, exile is good for you. I recall in a certain book about some guy who spent 40 some-odd days in a desert, sans mudslides and bikini-clad folks, and found what he was looking for.
As my teacher says: leave room for magic to happen.
July 5th, 2008 at 7:09 am
Chris-
Damn, I forgot you actually read this blog.
As usual, you’re my favorite fortune cookie. Honestly, this isn’t the first time I’ve been through a period like this. It happens in all areas of all our lives, actually. We lose faith, we find it again. The marriage goes cold and gets rekindled. U2 goes all mullet-wearing 80’s pop, they learn to rock again.
I know what side of me I’m seeing these weeks on this island… it’s the same little dork I was in high school and college. I don’t like this me, usually he’s hidden somewhere out of the way.
Unlike in high school, though, I know when this me will go away again.
Pax,
Hali
July 6th, 2008 at 6:07 am
Aww, you really are one of us! *hug*
Furry’s really only a net connection away.
July 6th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Rowyn-
Thanks for the reassurance, but that doesn’t quite cover it. Furry is not a place on the internet any more than faith is a building with a cross on it. I can look at all the FA art and listen to the Clawcast and still not feel like a bird for the time being.
The feeling has to come from within (or in the case of Faith, from without) and all I can do in the mean time is look for the right inspiration.
It is rather wonderful, though, that my Furry friends are only an IM away.
July 6th, 2008 at 9:20 am
So here is your Jedi mind trick to figure out:
How do you turn that side of you, which you’re not comfortable with and not happy with, into an asset, into a strength?